THE ART OF AVOIDING
I think we all have, at some dark time in our lives, encountered people we would never want to encounter again. I certainly have. They say (please don’t ask me who ‘they’ is as I haven’t the slightest clue) that one can learn something even from the worst experiences. And i definitely have (i do note my obsession with the pronoun ‘I’). So I (yet again!) have devised a few tricks of the trade to avoid those I want to. And being a kind and generous person (just nod that head of yours!), thought of sharing these valuable and extremely handy ways to stay away from a person, without of course, letting that person know that 😀
1. DRH – No, it does not stand for drinking rum with honey. Why would anyone do that in any case? It stands for ‘duck, run, hide’: the three things you should do first when you see the Person U Need To Avoid (henceforth ‘Punta’). Duck – if in a gathering, sit down, bend down, crawl down – anything to avoid being seen. Run – only if you can run. Hide – behind the tallest, largest thing around (look for me if out of all options). DRH is only applicable, however, if Punta hasn’t spotted you yet.
2. Amnesia – local or general – In case you’ve met Punta just once or twice before, and it is too late for DRH, then simply look through. If Punta comes up to you, act as if you don’t recognize him/ her (local amnesia). If s/he is annoying enough to remind you of the exact circumstances of the unfortunate meeting, then say that it wasn’t you. Then if Punta asks who you are, say that you do not know (general amnesia). Usually, by the end of this conversation, you join the Punta list of your Punta, and it is their turn to become amnesic. Problem solved!
3. IADS – The ‘I am depressed‘ syndrome – If Punta is someone you’ve met a number of times (maybe an old college mate/ colleague etc) and amnesia will not work, then IADS is a safe option. Say that you are not well, emotionally and physically, and do not want to talk to anyone as of now. If Punta is bugging enough to pester you to discuss your ‘problems’, then graduate to IASS – ‘I am suicidal syndrome’, saying “If i talk about it now, it will be too much for me to handle and i would want to kill myself then, so please just leave me alone”. Unless that person has homicidal tendencies, i think you will be safe for the time being!
4. BFF to rescue – If you aren’t an actor enough to pull off IADS, then this is for you. Catch hold of your nearest acquaintance and start talking like you two are ‘best friends forever’. Best would be to talk about things you know Punta has no clue of, or would rather not comment on. Like talking about the value of faith in a relationship and how one has to be like the biggest losers to cheat on his/ her partner, if you know that Punta is seeing 3 people at the same time! In case Punta catches you alone, then do not worry. BFF can still come to your rescue. Just tell him/ her how you are super late to meet this friend of yours and just have no time to spare. If the situation demands, then turn your boss into your BFF.
5. Famous Five – What if Punta refuses to go even after all this? What do you do? Do not panic. There are a couple of things you can do, which will make sure Punta considers you Punta for the rest of his/ her life. Here i enumerate most effective and famous five of those:
One – Eat something that disgusts you and throw up all over Punta.
Two – Borrow Punta’s cell and make that long distance call to a friend you have so much to catch up with. Or maybe your bf/ gf – whichever is gonna cost more.
Three – Sing at the top of your voice while walking along with Punta on a busy road. But do it only if sure Punta will be embarrassed and not join you instead.
Four – Dig your nose and wipe your finger in Punta’s clothes.
Five – If even that does not work, just tell Punta, “Dude, your clothes stink and are filthy I can’t be with you or I’ll puke yet again” and scoot!
I hope these will help you while dealing with all kinds of Punta. Now that you have a basic idea, maybe you can think of some tricks too. Do share them with me. Happy avoiding!
Disclaimer – If this post puts me in your Punta list, then i just want you to know that i was super bored and had a toothache. Here is a golden opportunity to show how benevolent and sympathetic you are!